Constrained

I remember the way his eyes would light up when he smiled
And the way he would smile which made me smile too..

I remember how happiness was just an ordinary feeling
And wasn't something that we wished for..

I miss all those little things which have somehow slipped away.

I miss all those little things about us,really.
The things that made us strong,
And made us promise this was forever no matter what went wrong.

But as time went on and months began to take their toll
We forgot the little things that filled us.
Our hearts and souls.

Life and Love can be hard and it may hurt.
Sometimes we do or say something we never really meant
And before we can take it back,the pain has sunk in.

I couldn't imagine
That a day or time would ever come and change everything
About our life and love..
But it did

Months and time
Trials and troubles
All have taken us on a roller coaster.
That sometimes didnt seem to end,
And before we knew it our hearts were tired.

So tired and worn out from all we had seen,
All we had been through and we'd experienced.
And love somehow turned into comfort

The comfort of knowing someone was there
But those feelings of excitement and passion somehow faded along the way
And now we're left wondering just where it all went

He innocently tell me our time has come and gone
And that we can't go back but I dont believe it.
And this time,he is wrong..

The distance he puts between us is nothing more than time lost.
A place for his feelings to hide,is now finally revealed.
And now I can finally hear the little feeling and/or love in his voice ;
Everytime we talk

I can never manage and maintain my patience well..
But this time,it has no end..Especially when it comes to loving him

There are times that we need to talk
Yet the words never come.
there are times when we need to understand,
Yet we don't always know how.

At our lowest times
During our toughest moments
Things seem to get complicated and confusing

Leaving us to wonder,
what the other is actually thinking or feeling.
Often we let pride get in the way
And we lose the power and sense to communicate.

I am now becoming so hopeless about what'd happen next between us
He told me that he 'kind of' regret breaking up with me.
He told me how mean he was
And claimed that he is actually not a good one for me.

He admits that he actually dissapoints himself for doing this to me.
He told me that I look a lot like chasing for his love

But in fact,I didnt....
Well I do tho,but not in a wrong way.

I really hate the fact that he wants to start over
In a not proper way.

He has a half intention from his own heart.
An intention for us to start over.

But really,all I want is just him to follow his heart.

I swear,if he isn't willing to start over,I'll be fine
Even though itt kind of dissapoint me,actually.

However,what's even the point of starting over
When one of us is indesirous ?

What am I supposed to do..
When he is so confused for what choice to take
And he doesn't want me to bother and stop him in choosing the choice
The choice for what we're going to face next

I want him to stop.
Because this thing is so unhealthy for the two of us
And it also breaks my heart.

The good thing is just that,
He's actually trying to make sure that his feelings won't fade
So that he won't hurt me,again.

Because if it happens again,it's him who'll always be blamed.

Tell me it's not really over

Tell me we didn't just say goodbye

Tell me we can begin again

Tell me we're worth one last try ~

Two-Faced Folks

They act like they know everything about us.They talk behind our backs,but never confront us.Acting all like that,for them, it is a must.But we've never told them much to do with our life.And the words they say about us are only out of strife.

And when they speak to you,they say their words with a smile.
When we know that they're nothing but a liar.

Their face, it's doubled,one in front and behind.
A face they put on and one they try to hide.

Because to all of them,
it's someone certain they have to be.They're not truthful like us,nothing like you or me.

But they'll go on with words,
the stories they're uttering.
To them, it's nothing,just a life with which they're playing.

I am a little confused
As to which face they profuse
Out of the two faces they deceive which one should we conceive
They think you're smart
Ignoring their lies is an art
They think we're dumb
But arguing with them makes us numb

They say we're the best
And then gossip about the rest
They spare no-one
Makes it an enemy or a friend in billion
With us they're so nice
Behind us they're a vamp in disguise
They're so artificial and fake

Too blunt for metaphors and are two-faced.
I want them to say what they’re trying to say; don’t hide their clever words
Twisting and turning around like vines.
I’ll just come out and say I hate their soul; their pure, pretty soul.

-----------------------------------------------------

Her
As I see her
Two faced.
She smiles
And talk buddy buddy to me
But behind me
She throws me in the dirt

It is people like her
That really gets me angry
Why be one way to my face and behind me another?

Take a good look
And see the damage her forked tounge has done
For now
I dont want to even be her friend

For when I found her
Two faced
I realized
Friendship wasnt worth saving

So be two faced
And the world will see
How you really are
And who you are
Two faced.

Puzzled Sense

I've never been the type to say what I feel,so basically I keep everything inside.
And with him it was no different.

I want to tell him,I've tried.

I have this feeling which makes me think that he falls in love with me.
He makes it seem more than just a feeling again,because he acts like he does.
But there's the part of me that just can't take that chance.
So I doubt that he'll never know.Which may be fine with him,but it's hurting me.
I choose not to show it.

I guess I can call 1/2 part of myself as his secret admirer.
That name seems to fit just right.
I don't know what I like about him.
But he's now always on my mind.

Maybe it's the way he treats me.
Or how he can make me feel when he's around.When we're talking and playing.
I instantly forget all the other stuffs.

Maybe it's the way he calls me names,silly names.
Or maybe it's the way he smiles.
Then again it might just be everything.
Getting to know him seems worth my while.

We started off as strangers then soon became friends.
He told me he loved me,though I didn't feel the same.
Soon after he said that,it all started as a game.
Which soon becomes the truth,but I don't know what makes me love him too.

He's like a brother to me.We're so close to each other.
To him,I might just be a little girl,I swear.He admitted.
But he told me that I could show him a whole new world.
A different point of view from his.

He could brighten my life because he always has jokes to cheer me up.
All I have to do is trust and listen when he says this is love,not just lust.
I can show him what little girls can do.If only he knew what I would do for him.

What he gave to me is priceless,not meaningless.
When I first knew him in the past few years,I never thought we'd be this close.
We're more than friends,yet pinched than couples.
We consider ourselves as a big brother and a little sister.

I didn't know when this feeling came and got me shock when I got out from bed.
It's not right to love him more than a brother,I know.
But I can't force myself to forget him.
He brought color to my life.

Our late night talks,our dumb jokes,awkward moments and all the laughters just makes me fall in love with him more.

Something destroys this thing.
7 months have passed by,how far have me and the old one come?
A fling?
Just lust?
A relationship in the making?
My heart is breaking.

We're now losing connections.
He used to sweep me off my feet.I remember the passion and romance he gave me.
But now shall we throw in the towel?
Or give ourselves another chance?

I now have no idea that we both can rekindle our love again.
I'm about to give up,but everytime I saw him,that glance always gives me hope.

What should I do when I love two?
When I am with one,for the other I long,I can't find a place for my heart to belong.

One promised that he'd always stay,but now he's gone anyway.

His love to me is as clear as a bell.
He promised that I'd always be his little sister,an angel.

We used to love each other very much
But time seperates us,and he's blinded away with another girl's touch.

Now I have found him,a brother,someone new.
And he loves me like the way 'he' used to do.

And now he says that I'm right for him.
But with only half of my heart to love him.

How did I get to this point in my life?
Love really does cut like a knife,
Torn between two lovers, both dear to my heart.
Now I must choose
Choosing means one gets my heart and other departs.

Why is this so hard to do?
How to choose, between the two?
Shall I give a chance to my new love?
Or should I give another chance to my old one?

My old one,his security and familiarity still haunts me.
My new love is a good brother, devoted, fun and caring.

My old one,
Our love was strong and true,
There was nothing we wouldn’t do,
As time passed, resentment grew between us,
Putting fault, blame and mistrust between us.

He left me because he needed the space and time to think, to decide if this is just a waste.
He gave me no choice, I wanted to try,
I still wanted to keep him and our love alive. 

He said, “I just need time to think and get away,
If he want a chance to get me back some way,then he have to relax and give up the chase.
"Just leave me alone and let me have a little space.”
So, I gave him, his wish, I left him alone,
Every now and then I tried to text,
But always the same, “Just leave me alone”

My new love, 
He stayed by my side through all of my pain, 
He said, “It’s alright you’ll love again.”
I tried not to hurt but he wanted the truth,
So, I told him I still love my old one, and that our love was true.
He said, “It’s okay, let’s just enjoy it while we can."
Right now, I’m with him because he's seeking for one.

I couldn’t believe that he still wanted me,
I told myself I can’t do this to him, make him leave.
But the truth was I needed him there with me,leaving him is like losing a brother as a figure.
And as time went on I started to see,
Just how dear he’d become to me.
I didn't tell him I loved him quite by mistake,
But I knew I fell for him and I couldn’t deny what I feel inside.

The feelings I had from the old one is still enigmatic.I tried to move and let him go.
I realize that time goes by slow and perhaps fast without him.
It's hard not to ask the question why I still like him,there's no reason for me to lie.
He didn't have any feelings again for me,he claimed that.

The answer lies true in my heart.
If I tell him (the one I consider as a brother) ,is he going to tear them apart
Or is he going to keep it so only himself knows?

I'm in state of confusion.
Not knowing exactly how to feel,what to feel
Who to choose and whom to let go.

Im stuck between two
Two guys that change my life.
The one who I went out with once,or the one who loves me as a little sister.

It's impossible to love two guys at once in reality.It seems so greedy.
Decisions are hard to make.I know I can't leave it alone.
I can't escape it.
I know I need to do something about it.

My heart was confused and I felt so overwhelmed, I wanted to cry.
Why is this so hard, now I don’t know what to do.
How to choose, between the two?

Intercourse Affair

I couldn't be what he really wanted myself to be.
I couldn't be the one he really loved,his only one forever.

It makes me wonder if this was ever meant to be.
How could he want that girl and forget about me?
He says that she could be the one,but everyone knows he'll be hurt when it's done.

How could he give up on something so true?

Now I sit here,telling myself that I can get through.My heart still yearns for him.

His love is what I prefer.
I miss the way it was with him,and now the lights started to dim.Everything inside is dead.
When he told me goodbye,all I could think of is why.

I hate having to act like it's alright,although sometimes I cry.
I hate dwelling with my past,and sitting here wondering why it didn't last.

When we were together,we had lots of fun,we shared dreams.But those dreams changed.
And they left me sad.

I know he have moved on and found someone new.
When I think about our past,my heart pops.

How is that I cry all night,when all he does is smile and thinks that everything is alright?
How is it when I look up at him,he can't look me in my eyes anymore?
And whenever I want to talk to him,all he wants to do is make me cry.

Is it that he takes pleasure in playing games with my heart,ever since I've given it to him?
And all he did is just tear them apart?

How is it impossible for him to declare his love to me at the past,and yet I saw him with another girl the next day?

How did he hold me and look me in the eyes,now then turn around and tell me lies?
When he was in pain,it was only me there standing by his side.
When he had so many doubts and he couldn't find a way,I was the one who knew whatever to say.

He was once so good and kind,so gentle and lovable.
Now when just thinking of him make my knees grew weak.
When his hands were in mine,chills ran up to my spine.

Now the world is upside down.
All the silence between us is now sound.
Fantasies are nightmares,Dreams are like hell.
His lies are effecting me,stressing me,making a mess of me.
Now he has her in his heart.
The same ones that used to protect my worries and stop my fears.

Everything just seemed to fall like that.
I felt so much love cutting beneath my skin.
It's enough to leave me permanently scarred this way.

He's now the love I'm not able to personify again,but only see from distance.
He had me believe that we hadn't fought.
But when I heard the truth,my heart was a knot.I try to hide pain,I pretend it has all got through.
It comes flooding back when I see him with her.

Leaving me stranded was more than enough.But to do what he'd done is way tougher.
I fake a smile while I'm dying inside,but he's all too happy with his heart open wide.

I know how it feels to be an old toy.
To be thrown away for some other girl.

He promised me forever,so I thought he said
"I'd never leave you for anyone in the world."
He promised me a lot but now those are empty.
None of what he said is true,it was all a lie.

I made a huge mistake,but I didn't regret meeting him.
He have taught me quite a bit to look for someone someone better than him.
I've never been through so much pain physically,mentally,and emotionally.

He have made me into a stronger person and I thank him.
So now what I thought we had is completely gone.
I was just another girl to him.

I need to move on.But how?
Forgetting his face,his smile.Allow my feelings to go from love to hostile.
Disaffecting him in a proper way.

Never again to cry for a boy who called himself as a man to me.

I gave him my love and and forgave every horrible things he did to me.
He got my love and forgot what he had.

It still kills me to watch him go.But I can't take being on this depressed highland.

I still can't help but to think,after what we've done so far
Is this even true?
I somehow look into the mirror to let those tears fall.

And I realize that,
What's the point of wiping them when I know they're only going to come back?

Intense Limit

People are smiling but don't take it as for what it seems.
Because for me,most of the times they're smiling is when they're in their dreams.

Cause their life might be a lonely person who throws out shadows
Full of tears,frowns,and many lost battles.

The troubled ones are trying to escape depression but they can't run away from what will always be their reflection.If they're running away,reality is even getting closer and closer to them.Reality will overtake them.And instead of changing themselves,they're actually changing the mirror.

What if the mirror collapses and breaks apart as it hits the ground?
When the mirror breaks,we have nothing to hide behind and we need to find the courage we have.
Because what?

Fears and Sorrows are just emotions that play tricks in our mind.Those two things try to prevent ourselves from making our dream comes true.There might be lots of obstacles but the obstacles are not important.The point is just how you handle it.

People might not understand,they're just going to ask why.

Never attempt to do the wrongs and never attempt to let life go.

Life is tough.It can drive you insane.

You look for answers but you'll always be hit by the pain.

There will be the point in life where we all will give up because we can't snatch our fears away.

Bad times don't last forever.The tough times rarely stay.
In times of deep sadness,the pain will always seems too real.
And it's also hard to believe that with time,the hurt will heal.
Never give up,never give in.Keep fighting,so the demons in ourselves don't win.

There will be lots of hurt and pain
Sorrow and shame.
But all you need to remember is that tomorrow is never the same.

Tangled Love

Have you ever seen two people dating and automatically started to say those intense three words which is "I Love You"?

I believe you do.

I wonder.
Have you ever wondered if they had loved each other and never known
Or just say it because they think they have to?

Love isn't something you give away so easily.
It's a delicate thing,and it's hard to choose who deserves it.Not everyone deserves your love.
Love is what makes the world once seems harmony.

- - - - - -

Everything was simple.Everything was fine.
We knew we couldn't have each other back and we knew why.
We tried to move on and we did,but these little feelings came back.
And that feeling just stricken us in not a proper way.

We both noticed each other drifting.But our mind speaks "Please explain."

I didn't want to loose him,so I tried to deal with the pain.It's hard to be with him.It's getting harder each day.

He always acts so beautifully and seems favourable when we talk through social messaging.
But when it comes to meeting him in real life,especially school,I could see how different he was.

He oftenly looks at me when he passed by the corridor,I could see him staring on my eyes.I don't know whether it is his usual expression,but I could see pain in his eyes.
Pain.
Regrets.
Sorrow.
All at once.I can see them patently.I try my hardest not to cry when I see him.
I always want to smile,however this time I can't.Something about him still traumatize me.

The way he looks at me in these past few months is different.
I remembered when he was so carefree and huffy around me.I remember them well.
He was missed.
So does myself.

I am not persuading him to star over tho.
Because I stll can't trust him.

Trusting someone means walking with your eyes closed.While trusting no one is a sure way to lose those you hold close.

To trust him means to crush my wall,and if to lose him again means losing my all.
Going against instinct and not protecting myself.

Thinking of him makes me feel so blue.This heartache makes me want to cry.
But instead of tears,I express it with a sigh because I don't want the heartless people to see.

It sometimes makes a big hole when I see and follow your stare,it leads to her and at times,tears are going to make my vision blur.I know it's pathetic,but when you talk to me,I feel pleased and happy.

I know that someday,he's just going to be a memory to remember when I'm lonely.

Someday is not yet today.It might still be far,far away.
But I hope you'll notice anyway that my heart is breaking.

And even though we both are smiling,just look in our eyes and you'll see that we're dying.

Bullying

You should know,bullying hurts.

It starts with one word,one word you blurt.
Fat.
Ugly.
Worthless.
Jaded.
Nerd.
Those are the words they hear oftenly.


You.Torment.Them.


Have you ever think that,you're their biggest fear?


If you haven't,then the one who is worthless,is actually you.
You yourself who's trying to torture people with your words.

People who are ridiculed were as hated as they were loved.
What he/she had done didn't matter again,because worthless people were just seeking for their flaws.


Not their perfect imperfections.


The pain of being bullied actually hurts.
The pain hurts,it rips and tears..Unstoppable but the victims didn't care.

Bullying aches,don't you see?
You who is worthless is nothing to them,but a big bully.

Don't you think of what could have been?
What if the victim runs away?
What if they slam the door and take a knife?
What if they let it flow against their skin easily and it goes deeper and deeper?
And what if,they write a note to say goodbye?

You called the victims with hurtful name.They are sickened by your spoken harsh words.

Do you think you know them?You can't bully them unless you know what they're virtually going through.You don't even know the half of it.

The victims tried to get help,tried to explain,but no one could ever understand their pain.
So instead they hid it with a smile,a fake one,of course.At times,someone would see their scars,but the victims knew that it wouldn't help much.The victims would find it hard to explain,too.

I was once a victim.When I was being bullied around,I wasn't even able to make a sound.I wonder why everyone didn't understand me.
I heard the whispers.
I heard them laugh.
I remembered all those cruel jokes as I passed by,but I pretended not to hear.

Sadness fell across my land.I tried to run away from it.But by that time I couldn't get away.That darkness had swallowed me and I was trapped in a sad world of jokes about everything of mine.The people who were my friends were like monsters.

There's no way of hiding from the secrets and rumors spread.

I know it all seems too much to be handled,but the bullies are both strong and hurtful in every way.But the victims will get through this because they are all strong.Just remember things get easier,I promise you that.The worthless ones might have taken the victims' powers,but sooner or later,I bet the victims are able to take them back.They don't need to be afraid to speak up,no more being afraid to walk.

That's who they are.It's all they know how to be.They won't change for you.

You can call them names,but one day they're going to have fame.

You can beat them down.
But this time the victims won't frown.